Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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