I hope mine doesn't look like that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
