did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We need to get me chipped asap
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
