mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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