I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
