hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
