I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His nipple licking is glorious
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