I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
