Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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