i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
