I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
