Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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