part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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