If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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