just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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