People in love make me want to vomit
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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