You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
