can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
