I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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