I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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