I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
