So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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