The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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