We're facebook friends in real life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
