someone threw a dead crab at me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
