You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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