Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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