You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
