Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
