We named our party play list daddy issues
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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