Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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