There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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