I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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