wrigley field is MILF paradise
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
