A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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