Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it's great music for shaving your balls
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
