I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
