i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
