Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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