worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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