They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
