they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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