Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
