you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize