I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
