What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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