sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
