I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
