youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
