I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
