Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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