i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
