Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
