yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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