True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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