Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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