Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
