Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
