I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
