An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize