So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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