So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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