hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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