Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
