So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
