I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and she was petting her beer can
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize