Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I could make wine with my vomit
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
