So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
