apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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