so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This baby is an asshole
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
