Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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