you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
